Friday, March 13, 2009

The O'Slimbo Factor

In light of the upcoming St. Patrick’s Day, I suppose it’s time I address my least favorite Irish American. I recently purchased a copy of Bill O’Reilly’s The O’Reilly Factor (and I will not show the book here lest this should be advertised or promoted in any fashion).

My reasons for this purchase were thus:

1. Some weeks ago, I was playing in a late night poker game at a local country club.

2. It was really late.

3. I had enjoyed a few beverages.

4. Upon perusal of the club's card room book selection, I noticed a copy of The O’Reilly Factor among the many golf and financial planning selections. I pulled out said selection and tossed it into the fireplace. It went quickly.

When I woke up the next day (painfully), I immediately felt like an impetuous adolescent schmuck and quickly set out to make a replacement purchase. Upon reaching the cashier, I placed the book face down in the hopes that the cute young girl (goth, obviously a liberal arts major) would NOT see the title. It was as though I were purchasing porn. Actually, she might have preferred that it had been porn. She ended up flipping the book over, looking at the title and then gave me the sneer I anticipated.

My reasons for making the replacement purchase were as follows:

1. I destroyed someone else’s property. This is something I teach my children not to do.
2. We are blessed with freedom of speech…Nazis burned books. The Taliban burn books. So it is wrong to burn books…even books written by the Irish-Catholic equivalent of a Taliban Nazi.

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