Tuesday, October 27, 2009


So we're all gonna die in 2012, right?

Oh, you didn't hear about this one?

Well, silly, in case you're behind things, Hollywood's special effects crap machine is about to release a multi-million dollar film about the world coming to an end. It's called '2012'. Watch the trailer, especially if you've been having a good day you'd like ruined.

Why is the world coming to an end? Why not? - I say.

Yes - 2012. The year it all goes ppphhuhhtt. Being an insomniac I catch a lot of 3am TV shows on the History Channel about the various prophesies that predict mankind will perish in 2012. Apparently, the world of crazy is hot to trot on this idea.

But why 2012? Surely there must be some empirical scientific evidence leading to this very dire conclusion. Right? WEEELLLLL, not exactly.

The interweb/television crap juggernaut have been sold on the idea that the Mayans devised a calendar that concluded with all earthly life ending in December 2012. The Mayans? You mean those guys who thought they had to carve out living, beating human hearts to make the sun rise? Yup, those guys. Ah, okay. Got it.

Everyday Americans toil with the unavoidable reality that our lives are going to be worse than the lives of our parents. Hollywood, a corporate arm of the corporate plague that keeps us down, exists to distract us from this awful reality. Usually they take to this task with a Vince Vaughn / Jennifer Aniston formulaic romantic-comedy brain-death. But here, they've created a film to help you soil your pants with the notions of an improbable end to tomorrow rather than letting you tangibly look at the reality of the now.

I suppose I'd break it down like this: as the 20th Century unfolded, mankind became deftly able to eliminate itself through nuclear Armageddon. Naturally, this is a scary thought, so we're conjuring celestial events like this 2012 nonsense to alieve ourselves of the responsibility that if the world explodes, it's our fault.

So shop for 2012's Christmas. Imagine the alternative:

"Honey, I love it."
"Do you?"
"Well, yeah...but...it's not my size."
"Yeah, I know - you see...it's just that I thought the world was going to come to an end...and when it didn't...there were no more left in your size."

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